Natalie Fee

living generously : from getting to giving

I was raised to be a go-getter. Born in the late seventies, to a family who were in the process of working themselves out of the lower class and into the middle, I was geared up for success. Get good grades, get a good job, get married. Ideally in that order. The sense of striving was all around me, as was the notion that the harder I worked the more I’d get – more money, more recognition, more opportunities. Nobody told me that of course, the ultimate reason we were doing all this was to get more love. Actually I think we’d all forgotten the reason why we were striving so hard. We had a sense that if we got more of X, Y and Z, we’d be happier people, so that was that. Somewhere, some time in the future, increasing quantities of happiness awaited us each time we added to our pile of treasure. The thought of questioning the rationale behind this movement didn’t occur to me until I was in my late twenties, and for some of us never does. What exactly was this happiness that I was working so hard to accumulate? It had to be love. But it seemed that the harder I tried to get more love – through family, friends, lovers and work, the more elusive it became. I just couldn’t get enough! I was trapped in the fallacy that love was something outside of myself that I needed to ‘get’ – which is quite possibly the greatest illusion of our time.

I’d been had. The truth had been well and truly twisted and I, along with most of the people I’d ever met, were caught in a trap. We were the go-getters. And we were for-getting. Forgetting that love is for-giving.* Which is the way it will stay until one by one, we slowly come to realise that love cannot be gotten. We need to remember to give love. Not so we can get something in return, but so we can learn to stop taking it. To stop stealing kisses and start giving them.

For me, this is a major turnaround. Monumental. Given my thirty or so years of conditioning and grooming to get what I want out of life, it may well take me thirty years or so to learn to give what I want to life. I ask for your patience as I practice being patient with myself. I’m new to this. As a beginner, I notice myself questioning whether I’ll ‘run out’ of energy to give, whether my relationships will become one-sided, but I know these thoughts are simply the go-getter fearing for its future – after all, it’s in danger of no longer being needed!

For whatever reasons, I’m selfish. And not in a self-loving kind of way. Not yet anyway. Nope, it’s still very much about me getting what I want. I’ve known intellectually for many years that we are all one, we are all connected, and that the getting/taking mentality is, like, totally old paradigm, duuude. But to embody that knowledge is a whole other matter entirely – it’s what you might call ungrounded information (believing something to be true, but not living it through my actions). Happily I’m noticing my behaviour – that’s a fine and important step – and I am challenging my usual way of thinking and doing and stretching myself to think and do differently. At a recent workshop with Jonathan Kay, a master ‘Fool’ with whom I’m currently training, I began to see that everything in my ‘play’ – improvised performance – is actually me. Whether I’m playing my mother, son, a banana, a princess or a daffodil. This may sound obvious, as I’m the one creating it, but in the moment, when faced with one’s nemesis in a play, it’s very easy to forget that I made them and they are me! After ten workshops (half way through my first year), the light is very slowly beginning to penetrate the cracks. Ever so softly, an awareness is beginning to trickle out of the workshops and into my other plays – my parenting, my job, my relationships – that they are all me too. I can’t stress how tender this awareness is – green and fragile as a seedling as it unfurls. In time, if I tend to it carefully, I may just be able to watch it grow. To become selfish in a self-loving way – truly experiencing everything and everyone that comes into my awareness, my play, as myself. I can only imagine how loving I would be, if I lived from moment to moment treating all I encounter as I wish to be treated.

I’m happy to be untwisting my fate. I’m glad to have around me those who show me how it can be done. People like Jonathan Kay*. Or Mark Boyle.Or Stephen and Lynda Kane. Or Mother Meera. Or my cat. Yet ultimately it comes down to my own actions, small and grand. Whilst I’m actively doing more outwardly giving things – for example sponsoring an orphan, changing my electricity supplier to green energy, giving copies of my new book away and spending a LOT more creative time with my son – I also need to do more inwardly giving things too. As a friend says, to hold myself dear. But if what I am beginning to see continues to take root, then to give outwardly is also to give inwardly – as within, so without. Small steps. Feel free to share your own steps with me – hand holding whilst I’m wobbling my way across this new ground is always appreciated. xo

My new book, The Everyday Alchemist’s Happiness Handbook (Findhorn Press) is out now. Read reviews and excerpts here.

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the everyday alchemist’s happiness handbook : a welcome story!

Here it is folks! The big day. Or moment. My book is out in the shops! Actually it has already sold out of the shops here in Avalon (a real place, but you might know it better as Glastonbury!) and they’re waiting for more copies to arrive – YAY! Four years in the making and it’s now made its way into the world. There’s a big thank-you page in the book to all the stars and angels here on Earth as well as those in Heaven and Hell, who’ve helped me along the way – this book is for you! I hope you feel inspired to read it for yourself – you can read reviews and buy it here … but first, an introduction!

I’m Natalie Fee, the author of my new book, The Everyday Alchemist’s Happiness Handbook. I’m pretty sure I’m the one in the photo on the back cover of my book, as well as the top of this website, but I can’t be certain, as I don’t feel like her anymore. You see, the thing with being on a journey of self-discovery, or so I’ve found, is that who I was last year is different from who I am today. And, given that I began writing the book four years ago, it seems strange, bemusing even, to claim that I am the author! Happily, who I am today loves the book. I’ve read it numerous times and each time it offers me fresh perspective, resolve and inspiration. I do not claim to have embodied all the wisdom, techniques and insight that are held in its pages either. Rather, I see myself as a writer who brought these ideas and inspiration into physical form, as they are precisely the words I need to read myself. No doubt at least once a year for the rest of my life!

When I started writing the book, four years ago, on a retreat at the Findhorn Foundation, I was developing a seemingly traditional career in the self-help world. I was writing articles, which led to people writing to me for advice, which led to me becoming a coach. My training in Energy Awareness provided the foundation, along with my feng shui knowledge and previous work as a yoga teacher. I enjoyed it. But two years later, one hot, sunny day in Australia, whilst driving past the Actors College for Theatre and Television, my heart did an extraordinary leap. It was one of those unmistakable, life-changing moments that would steer me in another direction – albeit one that, unbeknownst to me then, was deeply interwoven with my love of spiritual discovery.

Today, the crisp, white linens and pashminas of the self-help coach have made way for the glitter, make-up, wigs and high heels of the TV presenter and cabaret performer. I also work for an ethical film production company, Plastic Buddha, where I find joy in combining creativity with business, conscious story-telling with structure. And I’m also training as a Fool. Last night, my eight-year old son, ever the one to ask a penetrating question, said “What’s it like being an author as well as a presenter and everything else?” I stopped and thought about it, before replying … “It’s an adventure.”

And it’s in that spirit that the book was written. My seemingly unconventional life path is simply a reflection of me putting into practice what I write about in The Everyday Alchemist’s Happiness Handbook. I strive to follow my heart, to become increasingly aware of what I need to do from one moment to the next and practice techniques that enable me to do just that. I do my Energy Awareness exercises daily, and have done for the past seven years. They bring me the energy to go beyond my current levels of awareness and intent, and they open new pathways and opportunities to realise more of who I am, as well as who I’m not. It’s through my ongoing training with the School of Energy Awareness that I was able to discover the art of everyday alchemy, realising the extraordinary power that’s held in my stresses, struggles and shadows. I wanted to be a happier person, less weighed down by judgements, less stunted by fear, more able to give. Which is hopefully what The Everyday Alchemist’s Happiness Handbook offers – my experience of being on that journey towards a more joyful, more compassionate and more loving human being!

There have been moments when I’ve considered not seeing the book through to completion. The editing process was long, sometimes it was like reading a bookwritten by another person! Yet I persevered, knowing in my heart the book isn’t really about ‘me’, my career, or my current state of awareness. It’s from me but it has it’s own time, it’s own energy, it’s own message – and my task is to bring it into the world. I’m thrilled that Findhorn Press decided to take a risk with me – having such a wonderful publisher whose core message is one of spiritual awakening, is an immense gift that I feel privileged to receive. So here it is. The Everyday Alchemist’s Happiness Handbook. With lots of love. xo

Read reviews, read excerpts and buy the book here …

Want to get to know me a little better first? Watch this short film by James Light …

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By natalie 25 April, 2012 Filed Under: happiness articles, work + creativity Tagged With: author, everyday alchemy, happiness, natalie fee, the everyday alchemist's happiness handbook

how to follow your heart : the first article I ever wrote

I wrote this article in 2007, and it changed my life. Before writing it, I’d never written anything other than songs, poems andsome sporadic journal ramblings. Yet it got published in Kindred Spirit. People then started writing to me saying how much the article had affected them, how they’d been inspired to take the training as a result of reading my article and how they’d experienced a similar yearning to the one I address in the article - it’s all very well being told to ‘just follow your heart’, but how exactly does one learn to do that? Happily, the Energy Awareness Training was the answer to my prayers. And, six years on, still is.

So I thought it needed to be here – the article that inspired me to become a professional writer, written on the day I realised I was an everyday alchemist – and the story behind the life I lead now!

_____________________________

A year and a half ago, in a field in East Sussex, I saw a man standing in meadow, dressed in white, up to his knees in wildflowers and in the middle of what looked like a dynamic energy practice. I’ve practiced yoga, t’ai chi and chi gong, but this was unlike anything I’d seen before. I watched him for a while, rhythmically moving his arms, coordinating movement with his breath, and I knew I had to find out what he was doing.

I approached him after he’d finished. We started talking and he began to tell me about the exercise he’d been doing. It was called ‘Falling Lightning’, and was just one of a number of practices he’d learnt on a course called the Energy Awareness Training. He went on to explain that when practised facing a particular direction, Falling Lightning would bring more energy into an area of his life. I was already a bit lost at this point, so happily he agreed to tell me more. So we sat in the meadow, with the sun shining high, and carried on our conversation.

He pulled out a pen and paper from his bag and drew an 8 pointed star. On each point he wrote a compass direction, and then for each direction wrote a corresponding energy. East was health, West was creativity, North was work & career and so on. He continued to explain that we all receive these eight energies, or ‘Life Ki’s’ from the specific directions, and how much of the energy we receive depends on the energies within us. By practising falling Lightning facing South West, he was beckoning more partnership ki, or energy, into his life.

This was a complete revelation to me. I had no idea these life energies existed as something flowing from somewhere, and not only did they exist, but they could be harnessed and used! I’d heard before that feng shui used the directions in the home to improve certain areas of the homeowners life, but never before heard someone explain how that could be possible.

Inside I was jumping up and down with excitement, and I knew that a new way of experiencing the world was about to dawn. I’d been shown a door, and I couldn’t wait to open it.

I asked him if he’d teach me the practice. He was reluctant, as it was only a small part of the weekend training he’d taken, and if I wanted to see the bigger picture I’d have to take the training myself. He explained that if I wanted more money, for example, and started practicing Falling Lightning facing southeast to beckon more wealth, then I would be acting on my desires, which may or may not be what I really need. If I took the training I’d learn how to sense which direction my energy, or spirit, needed me to face. In essence, I’d be handing over the steering wheel from my mind to my heart. Perhaps I would test positive on facing northwest, to bring more helpful people into my life, which could in turn, bring an opportunity to make more money (thus resolving a lack of wealth ki). I started to understand that it may not simply be a matter of getting more of what I want, but learning to identify what it is I really need.

Despite what he’d told me, I still didn’t want him to go without teaching me the exercise! He eventually gave in, on the condition that I’d call Stephen and Lynda in the Pyrenees who ran the Energy Awareness Training within the next few weeks. I agreed. Ten minutes later, I had a new practice, a scribbled on piece of paper… and his phone number! I thanked him for taking the time to sit with me a while and share his experiences, and we went our separate ways. I was later to find out that at the time I first saw him he had been doing Falling Lightning facing South West, beckoning more partnership ki into his life. It had worked, as we later became lovers!

Weeks passed, and each morning that summer I practiced Falling Lightning. I forgot my agreement to call about the training. That September, I went on a workshop in London, which promised a new way of healing long standing health issues. On the first morning, at registration, a beautiful elderly lady with long flowing grey hair made a bee line for me. I’d noticed her the moment she entered the room. We introduced ourselves, me, a 28 year old wanting to heal a hernia, and her, a 78 year old, wanting to heal a cancer. To say we hit it off is an understatement. It was like two best friends meeting again after years apart. Rather conveniently we were asked to pair up for the days programme, so we spent the rest of the day together.

Over lunch together, I noticed her doing something strange. When I asked if she needed me to get her bag from the cloakroom, she looked over at the queue, did something with her hand, paused briefly, and then said “No thanks!” I asked her what an earth she had done! She explained that she’d used an energetic test, to see if she needed anything from the cloakroom. And she didn’t! Once again, my curiosity exploded and I asked her to tell me more. All she was doing, she went on to say, was tuning into her energy to see if it went up or down when making a decision. She continued to explain that every choice we make, be it what to eat, who to see, where to go has an effect on our energy. It will either make our energy go up (ascend) or make it go down (descend). She went on to demonstrate with the miniature feast we had spread before us on the table. Forming a hand position (which from my yoga training I recognised as a mudra) while looking at the different foods, she turned to me and said “yes to bread, olives and houmous, no to the sprouts”. I felt the same excitement in me that I’d felt in the meadow some months before.

Here was someone showing me that there was a way to actually experience how my energy responds to something I’m about to do. I expressed my enthusiasm over her developed sense of awareness. I thought she must be ‘one of those people’ who are naturally able to sense and perceive energies. At that time, I was always wanting to make the ‘right’ decision but forever getting lost in my head in the process (some might say I was indecisive!). So naturally I was delighted to watch her make a choice based on her energy, and not on what she was thinking! That was a gift I wished I had. I told her how much I’d love to be able to do what she just did. “Well you can learn it darling!” she replied. “It’s this wonderful man in the Pyrenees, he comes over to the UK and gives the most amazing trainings. I’m in my seventies, and have been into these things for over 40 years, been on more workshops than I can remember, and he’s the best I’ve seen.”

Suddenly it dawned on me that I was hearing about the very same man I’d heard about in the meadow! I couldn’t believe I was hearing about him again! I told her about my experience early that summer, and asked her if he gave trainings in Brighton, which included a practice called Falling Lightning. With a huge smile on her face she said “Yes! There you go. You’ve heard it twice — now take the training!” Needless to say, the very next week, I called Stephen, and booked myself onto the next Living with Energy Awareness Training (LWEAT).

As I sit here at my desk, eighteen months on from my first LWEAT, I feel different. It’s been a subtle transformation, nothingradical has happened, yet I feel radically different. For over a year I’ve been making decisions based on my energetic needs instead of my wants. This hasn’t been easy to do. And I’ve battled time and time again over whether testing what to drink actually makes any difference. But it does, and the more I live being guided by my spirit instead of my head, the more I see the effect of my choices on my energy. For years whenever people told me to follow my heart it only served to fuel my internal longing to know exactly how one does that! I guess it was that longing that finally lead me to the LWEAT.

Learning to ‘test’ my energetic response to a decision is one of the things I learnt on the training. The more ascending choices I make, the more energy I have, and the brighter my life becomes. So even the smallest of decisions (like testing what colour top to wear this morning) can increase my awareness energy. A wonderful thing about making decisions based on my energetic needs is that it’s full of surprises. Once I was testing whether to go to see a movie with some friends. I’d been wanting to go for ages, and when I got a ‘no’ to going, I was annoyed. I decided to trust my test and stay at home. Low and behold, an hour later, I got a call from an old friend who was in the area, and who desperately needed help and somewhere to stay the night. I was delighted to hear from her, as I was living in deepest darkest Wales at the time. Had I gone to the cinema, I would have been unable to help her.

Three years ago I went to see a clairvoyant. He said he could see that in two years time I’d be training in something, but it didn’t involve certificates or qualifications. He said the best way to describe it was that I’d be developing my intuition to the degree that I’d be able to sense the small stuff, like whether or not it was the right time to hang out the nappies on the line. It seemed like an obscure thing to hear at the time, but exactly two years later, having forgotten all about the reading, I found myself on a weekend course learning to do just that! There I learnt how to make decisions based on my energy, and this gave me one of the most empowering gifts I’d ever been given – the power to make conscious choices.

Suddenly it was up to me.

There’s a lot more to energy awareness than testing my actions. Each day (almost!) I go for a Power Walk. This technique, also taught on the LWEAT, is a great way of releasing certain restrictive energies from my past. I can Power Walk to leave past sorrow behind, or anger, or past loves… to mention just some. And the lighter the load of the past becomes, the more energy I have to be in the present. Just this afternoon, as I stopped at the end of my drive to feel which way my energy was flowing (another learnt technique!), I noticed it was going in the opposite direction to where I wanted to go. I wanted to head to the river, but my energy was heading towards the shops. Reluctantly I followed it. I’ve not yet mastered the ability to always accept the spirit in my life with a smile! A few houses down the road my energy swung to the left, and there, on a fence post, was my favourite hat that I’d lost some days previously! I’d been searching high and low for it, and had I followed my head instead of my energy, I’d still be wondering where it was!

Now movies, nappies and hats may all seem like pretty minor events, but I’ve also had to make some big decisions using my energy awareness.

As I mentioned, I was living in Wales in 2005, and had broken up with my son’s father. To keep the peace and to keep things simple I decided to stay in Wales rather than return home to the south coast of England. Life was challenging for me, everything seemed like a struggle. As time went on and my awareness grew, I realised that once again I was following my head, and not my heart. A technique from the LWEAT enables me to experience how much energy I am receiving from the sky. Depending on what my needs are, certain ‘skies’ give me more energy than others. Put simply, some places are better for me than others. And, as I suspected, I was not receiving the energy I needed from the sky in Mid Wales. I tested, and found a ‘positive sky’ in Southampton. So I had a tough choice, stay in Wales and keep the family ‘together’, or move 5 hours away to suit my energetic needs. It wasn’t easy but pretty soon I felt like I had no choice. I was starting to see that if I really wanted to change, to be free of the fears that hold me back, then I’d have to follow my spirit. And as it turned out, moving to Southampton was the best move I made that year.

So what’s the point of all this? Why bother to test whether to have a coffee or a herbal tea? Why spend time testing what colour clothes to wear? Or what movie to see? Why does it matter? Personally, I recognised a long time ago that there were many aspects of myself that didn’t seem like me. I always felt there was a more real version, hiding under layers of other people’s beliefs. So I started my journey of discovery at 17. Many workshops, courses, and guru’s later, I still felt like I was facing the same issues again & again & again. I’d go on a course, it would gloss over the issue in question – fear, lack of self love e.t.c. – and I’d leave feeling fantastic. But the issues were still there. I didn’t feel like they were actually being transformed. The past 18 months have shown me, albeit with a lot of effort, that real change is possible. In order to go beyond my karmas, and enter into the realm of who I really am, I need all the awareness energy I can muster.

This is why the small stuff counts as much as the big stuff. Each ascending choice that we make has a positive impact on our future. And these choices generate an accumulation of energy that gives us the strength to face and transform our karmas into higher awareness.

It’s not a matter of worrying whether or not I’ve made the right decision, its about learning to recognise what it is that I need to do now. I feel like I’m only just beginning to truly see the alchemy in each moment. Doing only what I need to do from moment to moment turns my karmas into higher awareness, my lead into gold.

The Living With Energy Awareness Training is run twice a year in the UK by Stephen and Lynda Kane. Next dates 7/8 April 2012. For more information visit eat.energyawareness.org

My first book, The Everyday Alchemist’s Happiness Handbook, takes up the story of the following five years … using the techniques and skills learnt through living with energy awareness as a pathway to everyday happiness. Order your copy now on Amazon.

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By natalie 20 March, 2012 Filed Under: being here now, feng shui, health + environment Tagged With: decision making, energy awareness training, feng shui, kindred spirit, natalie fee, stephen kane

know one’s fool : my experience of training with jonathan kay

'Pilgrim Fool' by Cecil Collins

The first few times I was in Jonathan Kay’s orbit I took a wide berth. Happily those times were at festivals so I had plenty of ways to avoid him. I’d heard rumours. Not unpleasant ones, but ones which made me feel uncomfortable. Twitchy even. Words, whispers and knowing looks that gave me the impression I wouldn’t be able to blend in and watch – that I’d have to be prepared to join in and leave my comfort zone. But I loved my comfort zone, and I was at a festival! I just wanted to relax, not be challenged! So I kept away. Little did I know, had I joined in things would have become far more interesting. Nowadays I’d pay to go to any festival just to see him in action – but it’s taken me a few years to realise it.

Around the same time that I first heard about Jonathan’s work, I was becoming increasingly aware of the archetype of the Fool. Aside from fleeting visits in Tarot readings, my first formal meeting with the Fool came via my ongoing training with the School of Energy Awareness (SoEA), when it was depicted as a path on the Tree of Life. On the nature of the importance of the Fool as a vehicle to higher awareness, co-founder Stephen Kane writes, “Our self-concerns fundamentally obstruct our progress. Our endless good reasons for not doing anything “foolish”, “irresponsible”, or anything which takes us beyond our usual comfort zone, prevent us from sometimes taking profoundly necessary steps into the unknown.”

That same month in 2009, at the Tate Gallery in London, I was to meet the Fool again through the work of artist and poet Cecil Collins. On seeing his paintings, a bridge was made between my inner and outer worlds. I began seeing the Fool within and without – a relationship was formed – and felt that on some level he was now holding my hand.

“I believe that there is in life, and in the human psyche, a certain quality, an inviolate eternal innocence, and this quality I call the Fool. It is a continuous wisdom and compassion that heals with magic and fun. It is the joy of the original Adam in men.”Cecil Collins 1908-1989

By 2011, my orbits around Jonathan Kay were becoming increasingly shorter, whilst my willingness to step outside of my comfort zone had grown stronger. So when I was invited to one of his five-day workshops, I said yes. People’s reactions when I told them I was going varied from looks of horror to wise and knowing nods of approval. But still it remained a mystery as to what the workshop was actually about. Or what would happen. Not unlike the depiction of the Fool on the Tarot card, I was walking into the unknown.

Tarot Fool (Rider-Waite deck)

And unknown it shall remain. Sorry about that. But six five-day workshops and a decision to train with the Nomadic Academy of Fools later, I believe not knowing what happens on a workshop before you go, and not sharing the details of what happened is part of the magic. But I can tell you how my work with Jonathan is changing me. How it’s touching me. How it’s persistently throwing me off the ledge only to teach me how to fly. And I can give you a glimpse of my revelation that came with the realisation that the thing I was avoiding, the thing beyond the ledge, was my greatest gift.

As for who it applies to, this work and the benefits thereof, the answer is anyone who longs to create instead of be created. Anyone who wants to become free of the thoughts, patterns and behaviours that keep us trapped in a limited experience of who we are. In essence, anyone who is willing to notice the shackles that bind us, to unlock them … and make a run for freedom! Of course, with its roots firmly planted in performance and improvisation, it’s perfect for performers and speakers of all kinds – which was the deal-breaker for me to attend one of Jonathan’s workshops. With a book tour coming up, I was painfully aware that I really didn’t want to do ‘talks’ anymore. I wanted to share experiences, not to talk at people but to engage with them and have some fun. The Fool seemed to me to be the perfect companion.

My experience on the first two workshops was light, flirty and fun; a reflection of how I then saw myself perhaps. Only they were a reflection of my surface; of the superficial. In the first workshop, ‘Know One’s Fool’, I watched as other people boldly went deeper, and noticed something waking up inside of me, something that wanted to be discovered … seen. The part of me that had been scared of being seen was actually my superficial self, what some might call the ego. Underneath that, squished away in a dusty box in the attic of my psyche, another part of me was longing to be heard. Hence I booked onto a third workshop, and subsequently signed myself up for the whole year.

Initially people around me, friends, family and colleagues, were keen to know how this would benefit me. How could I justify spending time and money fooling around? Didn’t I have a new career to focus on? A child to single parent? Yes. I did. But I resisted explaining and asked them to trust me. Or not. But at least to watch what unfolds. Already, after just a few months, their questions have been answered without words. As have mine. (I had doubts too.) I could write a book about all the ways it’s affecting me, but I’ll try to summise the highlights for you here.

I’ve become a better mother. That has to be highlight number one. I’m more present with my son, more creative and more attentive – more ‘mother’ than ever before. He thinks so too – it’s not just me being self-congratulatory. Honest. Call him up if you want.

My relationships have grown stronger. I’m more tolerant, forgiving and can see much more clearly how I was creating the difficulties I was experiencing.

I’m less stressed. My tendency to split myself between roles: mother, writer, presenter, lover, daughter, friend etc., is easing. The discoveries I’m making on the workshops are sewing them all together; a rich tapestry of activities and relationships to be present with, instead of a series of tasks that need doing.

I’m learning to accept my shadow. Something I denied for many years. I’m slightly embarrassed to admit that, but I really thought if I didn’t look at it and focused on the light it’d go away! Thankfully the Fool is helping me to see things another way. Jonathan frequently uses the phrase ‘an affectionate alliance‘ – and it’s this attitude that I’m beginning to foster towards my shadows.

I could go on. But I realise I’m in dangerous territory: that of the nauseatingly positive workshop convert. So I’ll balance it out with the other side. (See how I’m getting the hang of this shadow stuff?) Many nights I’ve come home from the workshop in tears. Other nights I’ve been so shattered, emotionally and physically, that I’ve fallen asleep on the sofa before putting my son to bed. There have been times when I’ve wanted to quit, run away and pretend it never happened. But I can honestly say the good stuff – the process of awakening and homecoming, the unravelling and the discovering – far outweigh the challenges. Which is why I’m still loving it, despite the reluctance that sometimes springs up courtesy of the parts of me that resist change. The rest of me, the part that longs to sing, dance, create and fly is beginning to wake up. I don’t think after a year I’ll be done, I see this journey as a part of my life now, not as something to complete or tick off the list. Each year, the new intake of fools join the Nomadic Academy of Fools at the ‘Eternal Great Beginning’ at their theatre in Spilsby, Lincolnshire. The name of this event sums up the energy of Jonathan’s workshops and also of the other Fools, that there’s no end to this work, that we can simply begin, and begin again. No one is a teacher, no one can qualify and no one can ever arrive. One can only begin to know one’s fool, and share in the love that knowledge brings. And it’s in that spirit that I shall too begin. Again.

To find out more about Jonathan Kay and forthcoming dates for his workshops in Glastonbury, visit jonathankay.co.uk
For more information on trainings with The School of Energy Awareness visit energizeyourlife.org

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By natalie 11 February, 2012 Filed Under: being here now, spiritual warrior, work + creativity Tagged With: cecil collins, energy awareness training, jonathan kay, the fool, workshops

living generously : from getting to giving

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the everyday alchemist’s happiness handbook : a welcome story!

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how to follow your heart : the first article I ever wrote

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know one’s fool : my experience of training with jonathan kay

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wifi and smart meters – a health risk we need to know about…

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