Having been asked to give a workshop on ‘being a spiritual warrior’ at a festival last weekend, I was delighted to get there to find a wonderful event – inspiring, creative, relaxed – and pleasingly short on mud. The workshop was great fun, but since returning home I’ve become aware of an interesting pattern occurring in my life. It seems that each time I give a workshop, I come home and have to face to the music. It’s as if Spirit says to me, “Yep, you did alright at talking about it, now lets see you put your money where your mouth is.” In other words, I get to practice what I preach. Today was one of those times.

I’m currently on a month-long ‘happiness commitment’ – that is to say that I’m practicing (there’s that word again) being happy, every day, for a month. I’ve done about ten days so far with no major blips. A few ripples on the surface, but all in all I’ve been pretty strict at ‘choosing to be happy’ even if I don’t feel it.

Until today.

As usual, the perceived problem that burst my happiness bubble was actually nothing to worry about. It never is actually, but my mind has yet to grasp that concept. Nope, it was the ‘potential’ that the situation could present that my mind grabbed and whipped up into a frenzy of imagined scenarios – all of which made me feel bad. There was a trigger. Something happened ‘out there’ rocked my boat, and I got caught in the negative spiral of energy-descending thoughts. I managed to catch it in time to not let it infiltrate my words and actions – but it did in a way – for whilst battling with the arising stress I became short-tempered with my son, and withdrew from my partner. Because it felt like a battle. It felt serious. And I was upset.

I knew it was just an old (big) karma coming up for another round of ‘who’s the daddy’ – but instead of being light-hearted about it, I got annoyed. I was resisting it on all levels – ‘not this again, oh no, poor me, when will it go, bla bla bla..’  Whoops. I forgot to welcome the arising stress, and accept it for what it is. So what did I do about it?

I did some energy exercises, albeit begrudgingly (still no sign of ‘happy natalie’).
I felt a bit better.
I did a practice with my energy eggs.
Better still.
I wrote a poem.
Almost there.

I just keep at it. Little things, like refusing to dwell on the uncomfortable thoughts when they arise, and big things, like getting off my bum and going for a power walk.

A few hours later, without having to involve anyone else in my drama, I’m alright. I’m happy again. I can see now how the trigger that pressed my buttons did me a favour. I can thank it for showing me the button is still there, and by acting with intent, I managed to make the button a bit smaller.

And so the journey goes
Each step taken with intent
Frees me of my karmic load
So that the wings of my heart
May fly me a little higher
Fly me a little closer
Fly me a little deeper
Into the ever-loving presence
That is always
Being Here Now.