you may as well start enjoying yourself now

you may as well start enjoying yourself now

Oh for fuck’s sake – my beloved – shut up!
All your moaning about the way you feel
Is getting incredibly boring

And besides, I hate to see you sad
Especially when you’re wearing that dress
Go have some fun – it suits you much more than this very dull mood

So I did just that
I got off my arse and went down to the field
And lo and behold You were there

You’d put on a party just for me
And I arrived just in time
To have the last dance with You

I stopped in my tracks as I felt Your gaze
The evening sunlight pouring from Your Heart
Your golden kisses brushing the tips of every blade of grass

The wind then carried your passionate embrace
Wrapping me tightly in your arms
As I looked at you and grinned

We danced around the field
In the last light of the day
Your golden arms around my waist

Then in my ear you whispered,
“The future’s bright whichever way you look at it,
So you may as well start enjoying yourself now”

the art of forgiveness: moving from you arsehole to you are-a-soul

How are you finding forgiveness? All peaches and cream? Or do you still have some remnants of resentment you’d like to let go of?

I’ve been asking myself lately why, despite my ongoing training as a spiritual warrior, I still harbour resentment towards certain people, over events that have happened in the past? Why does my mind still drag me back to re-play particular scenes – ones that make me unhappy? How can I get from a place of ‘you did me wrong, and for that I dislike you’ to ‘you were doing your best, as was I, and for that I love you’. Big questions. But let’s take a look at them.

The difficulty I experience is that I can’t help seeing the bigger picture. I’m grateful for that, yet I find it hard to accept that although I see what’s really going, I am often still caught, in that sticky old web of illusion that binds me to behaving in a certain way.

What I mean by this is that despite knowing that ‘they’ (the other person) are a brilliantly luminous spirit, spending some time in a physical body to work out various karmas, and doing a top job of it at that, that knowledge of has yet to make its way down to my day to day experience.

Why do I act as if I don’t know this stuff? Because knowledge in itself is not enough. I have to practice it. I have to keep on dealing with my stresses, as they arise, in the most energy ascending way possible, time and time again. Each time I do this I’m loosening their grip on me, until one day, they’ll be gone, and I’ll no longer react to things in the way I do now. Or did then. Until that day I have to remember to rejoice in the fact that I’m here, on that journey. And be patient with myself.

I’m glad I know that ‘they’ haven’t done me wrong. I’m glad I know that my mind only replays certain negative scenes because it’s under the influence of foreign energies, which I’m in the process of transforming into energies that can serve me instead of harm me.

And I’m glad I can see that simply knowing isn’t enough. Through doing my practices each day, through becoming more present, I’m gradually turning that knowledge into experience.

Ultimately it seems a very good place to start would be to forgive myself. Perhaps a better word for it is acceptance. To accept myself as I am now. To accept the negative thoughts, the old habits, the not-so-perfect way of dealing with things – to accept it all. And be happy.

I am doing my best, and for that, I salute myself.

choose to be happy

Having been asked to give a workshop on ‘being a spiritual warrior’ at a festival last weekend, I was delighted to get there to find a wonderful event – inspiring, creative, relaxed – and pleasingly short on mud. The workshop was great fun, but since returning home I’ve become aware of an interesting pattern occurring in my life. It seems that each time I give a workshop, I come home and have to face to the music. It’s as if Spirit says to me, “Yep, you did alright at talking about it, now lets see you put your money where your mouth is.” In other words, I get to practice what I preach. Today was one of those times.

I’m currently on a month-long ‘happiness commitment’ – that is to say that I’m practicing (there’s that word again) being happy, every day, for a month. I’ve done about ten days so far with no major blips. A few ripples on the surface, but all in all I’ve been pretty strict at ‘choosing to be happy’ even if I don’t feel it.

Until today.

As usual, the perceived problem that burst my happiness bubble was actually nothing to worry about. It never is actually, but my mind has yet to grasp that concept. Nope, it was the ‘potential’ that the situation could present that my mind grabbed and whipped up into a frenzy of imagined scenarios – all of which made me feel bad. There was a trigger. Something happened ‘out there’ rocked my boat, and I got caught in the negative spiral of energy-descending thoughts. I managed to catch it in time to not let it infiltrate my words and actions – but it did in a way – for whilst battling with the arising stress I became short-tempered with my son, and withdrew from my partner. Because it felt like a battle. It felt serious. And I was upset.

I knew it was just an old (big) karma coming up for another round of ‘who’s the daddy’ – but instead of being light-hearted about it, I got annoyed. I was resisting it on all levels – ‘not this again, oh no, poor me, when will it go, bla bla bla..’  Whoops. I forgot to welcome the arising stress, and accept it for what it is. So what did I do about it?

I did some energy exercises, albeit begrudgingly (still no sign of ‘happy natalie’).
I felt a bit better.
I did a practice with my energy eggs.
Better still.
I wrote a poem.
Almost there.

I just keep at it. Little things, like refusing to dwell on the uncomfortable thoughts when they arise, and big things, like getting off my bum and going for a power walk.

A few hours later, without having to involve anyone else in my drama, I’m alright. I’m happy again. I can see now how the trigger that pressed my buttons did me a favour. I can thank it for showing me the button is still there, and by acting with intent, I managed to make the button a bit smaller.

And so the journey goes
Each step taken with intent
Frees me of my karmic load
So that the wings of my heart
May fly me a little higher
Fly me a little closer
Fly me a little deeper
Into the ever-loving presence
That is always
Being Here Now.